Lengthy Beginnings

After careful consideration and receiving feedback from some very wonderful people in my life, I have chosen to start a blog.

I have been thinking about blogging for some time now and have finally realized that as I get older and as my CF (aka Cystic Fibrosis) gets harder and harder to deal with, a sounding board is needed. I need an outlet, an escape from reality, a place to think and express thoughts that have been floating around in my brain. I am not a great writer and I don’t wish to be compared to any of the incredibly wonderful blogs out there. I simply want a place to divulge.

Most of the readers will know this, but just in case you don’t, I have Cystic Fibrosis. Perhaps I should put out a small reader discretion as I feel that in order to express my true self, I need to feel free to do so in whatever form may come out. I hope to not offend anyone and I hope to not be judged in whatever content I produce. The blog may include swear words, sentences that may not make sense and the explicit realities of CF and how they make me feel. CF has disgusting moments and I don’t plan on sugar-coating my words but know that it’s my reality… along with many others who have CF.  Although this blog may have brutal moments, I do hope it will provide what I’ve gotten from some of the most amazing CF blogs out there… reassurance, laughter, support, encouragement, information and hope (I hope).

 So, without further ado, here’s a little something to start off with.

Cystic Fibrosis has been “annoying” my body since birth, but we found out about it when I was 16 months. Since then, my days have been filled with physiotherapy, pills, coughing, mucous, stomachaches, hospital visits (and stays), and so on.  I won’t be explaining exactly what CF is so if you’d like more info on CF… please see: www.ccff.ca

I’ve always pushed myself to achieve my goals and so far, I’ve reached most of them. Being familiar with the medical profession since a young age, I was drawn to nursing at age 11 when I was admitted to hospital for the first time. Overall I was a very healthy kid and this hospital stay was not due to a CF exacerbation.  It was because I had to get sinus polyps removed (another common CF complication). So after I had this not so wonderful hospital experience, I was drawn to what made it tolerable… the nurses! After graduating from high school I went on to get my nursing degree and have since specialized in pediatrics (my favourite). Hospital work didn’t exactly agree with my body so currently I work as a community health nurse specifically with kids with chronic health conditions and special needs, in their home and at school.

I work with some incredible families and amazing people and I’m grateful for the perspective they give me on a daily basis.

Since birth, amazingly supportive people who have taught me how to be strong have surrounded me. When going through hard times, I’ve often said “ it could always be worse” and in most cases, it can. But there are people I’ve met, friends I’m close to and, families I work with that couldn’t have it much worse. So, on my worst CF day when my lungs are just not cooperating, when it’s hard to breath, when I’ve gotten some bad test results or when I’m questioning my future, I look to those people, take a deep breath (when possible) and look at the big picture… perspective… and try to tell myself that… it could always be worse.

Another goal I achieved was finding my love. I got married in the summer of 2008 on a beautiful beach filled with all of my favourite people in the whole wide world (minus a few who couldn’t make it). For me, that day was filled with happiness, laughter, tears, beauty, and love. Love, love, love. The love that I shared  that day not only with my new husband but with my family and friends is what I wanted most out of that day.

My husband is amazing for putting up with all the CF crap that needs putting up with. He puts my health first (although sometimes it may be after some gentle reminding J). He understands what is important like making sure I have tissues available when I’m doing physio, or knowing that PFT test’s under 90 is not great, under 80 is really not great and under 70 is definitely not good for me. He also understands when I need his support whether it’s a hug, encouragement or a running partner. I’m thankful to have him with me after the heart-wrenching first couple of years of our marriage after he was in a car accident leaving him with pretty major injuries. He lost one of his best friends that day and we miss him everyday. But I’ll leave that for another day and another blog.

I am so grateful to have such amazing people in my life. My parents taught me to be positive, to never skip a physio session, to remember the important things in life and to try and not stress over the small things that sometimes make life difficult. They have provided unconditional support and encouragement and will drop anything if I need them. My sisters are the exact same. I have two older sisters and I truly don’t think I would be anywhere near where I am today if I didn’t have them by my side. They have (along with my parents) supported me through endless medical procedures and hospital stays. They’ve cooked for me, cleaned for me, washed me, and taken care of me. Unconditionally. They put their own needs aside when I need help. And I am incredibly grateful.

Not only do I have an amazing immediate family, my extended family is incredibly wonderful as well. We’re the type of family that comes together for good times and bad times. For support, advice, laughter, memories and so much more. This family was based on two people that seemed to have started it all:

Grandpa Bert and Grandma Win. They are my Mom’s parents and they have embedded such amazing qualities in us and to me, they represent the strength, love and kindness that has brought me to where I am today.

I have incredible memories of my Dad’s parents as well (Pampa Black and Grandma Dorothy). They filled my childhood with laughter, excitement and  gentle love that I will never forget.

My life is what it is and I am who I am. I’m able to get through those difficult moments in life because of the support I get through my family and friends. I hope this blog will reflect my journey through life filled with ups and downs… and hopefully it will be somewhat interesting to read… but I guess we’ll just have to see…

I’ll leave today’s introductory post with a quote that I’m trying to live by… hope you like it.

"A lifetime is not what is between

the moments of birth and death.

A lifetime is one moment

Between my two little breaths.

The present, the here, the now,

That's all the life I get.

I live each moment in full,

In kindness, in peace, without regret."

Chade Meng, Taoist poet