Mothers

I am surrounded by amazing Moms. Moms who have helped me define what I think it means to be a truly great Mom. Everyday I feel incredibly lucky to have the Mom that I do. My Mom is a powerhouse of support, encouragement, wisdom, kindness, hilarity and most of all love. I can imagine raising a kid with Cystic Fibrosis (especially this kid with CF) wasn’t easy. But both my Mom and my Dad taught me to view CF as a challenge instead of an unbreakable barrier. They made me feel like I could do anything, despite having CF. I just had to find other ways to achieve the things I wanted to achieve. I’ve always felt encouraged and supported by my family and I’m so grateful for that. Being able to get back up after life pushes you down is something you learn. My parents taught me how to be resilient which is something I value and rely on hugely and something I hope to teach my child.

But getting back to Moms… Mother’s Day, especially this Mother’s Day, has inspired me to reflect on not just how lucky I am to have such an amazing Mom, but how lucky I am to have all these incredible Mom’s in my life. Gratitude is a powerful feeling, and I’m filled with so much of it thinking about how privileged I am to have had the Grandmothers that I’ve had, to have the Auntie’s that I have, the sisters, the cousins and the girlfriends I have who are all such amazing Moms. All of these women have taught me about the kind of Mom that I really hope to be. 

  This Mother’s Day in particular, is a special one for me because of one particular woman. This woman is a very dear friend of mine who I love very much and have a HUGE amount of admiration for.  She is an incredible soul. This woman is allowing me to become a Mom,  something my heart has wanted for so so long.  Let me just write that again, because it still astonishes me every time I think about it. This woman is allowing me to become a Mom! She is going through the swollen feet, the nausea, the vomiting, the cravings, the sleepless nights, the heart burn, the all encompassing agonizing pain and discomfort of labour and delivery. All because I want to be a Momma so badly and CF made it too unsafe for me to be pregnant. It’s still hard for me to wrap my head around this. There are really no words that can even come close to expressing what is in my heart right now. But in an attempt to do so, I came across a quote that reads: “To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world”.  Our surrogate, quite simply, means the whole world to us and I will forever and always be incredibly thankful to her.

Today, I want nothing more than for all of the amazing Mommas that are in my life, especially the Mom that is allowing me to become a Mom, to know how special they are to me. I want them all to know that they mean so much to me, they have inspired me beyond words, they have encouraged me through heartbreak, and they have shown me strength, resilience, and unconditional love. Give all those amazing Mommas out there a big hug today. Happy Mother’s Day Mommas!

A special thank you to Erin Wallis Photography (who also happens to be one of those amazing Moms I look up to), for capturing our unique and unbreakable bond. Erin you are pure magic and I love you very much.

Exciting times ahead...

I want to start this post by saying to all woman and men out there who may be going through the painful experience of infertility, I hear you and you are not alone.

You know how people have dreams and visions about how they see their life going? My dream was to marry the love of my life, move to the island, have kids, be healthy enough to work, travel around a bit and most of all, be happy.

One month and 2 days after I married the love of my life, I nearly lost him in a tragic car accident. He was left with pretty major injuries, some he still deals with today. He also lost one of his dearest friends that night which was an unbearable loss for his family and friends. A lot of lives changed that night. Thankfully, my husband survived and words cannot express how grateful I am for that.

After the accident, there were times I wasn’t sure what our future was going to look like or if we were ever going to get through it at all. There were times I felt so low, I sat literally screaming in my car with tears rolling down my face outside GF Strong Rehab Centre trying to figure it all out. I didn’t understand why this had happened. It’s strange how you try to make sense out of things that are just senseless.

If you’ve ever gone through something tragic, you’ll know there’s a lot of uncertainty that seems to surround you during those times. There are so many unknowns and so much waiting. For the passed 8 years James and I have waited. Waited to see if my health would improve, waited to see how James’ injuries would improve, waited to see if we could start a family. But those experiences taught me lessons that I hold very dear. And although, if I had the choice to go back to September 24^th, 2008 and tell James and his friends not to get in the car that night, I absolutely would. But I wouldn’t change the lessons I’ve gained through going through such a heartbreaking experience. These lessons have proven to be incredibly valuable to this day.

Today, James and I are happier than we’ve been in a long, long time. There are a few reasons behind this, one is that we’re now living on the island and loving every minute of it. And two, we’re expecting a baby. Honestly, there was a time when I thought I would never have the pleasure of being able to say that.  It’s been a very long road with tons of bumps, potholes, u-turns, and forks in that road but we’re happy to say a baby is on the way.  Lucky for us, there is a very special person that I’ve known almost all my life, who’s graciously accepted the job of being our surrogate because of my unpredictable health. There are no words that can truly express the gratitude James and I have for our surrogate, her husband and her family. James and I will always have a very special place in our hearts that belongs to our surrogate.

For those of you who want to know more about what that means, our surrogate is simply carrying our baby for us. She’s actually a gestational carrier if you want to get technical. To keep things simple, it’s our bun, in her oven and we couldn’t be more excited. James and I, despite everything that’s happened in the past, feel like the luckiest people on the planet.

Today, I was driving alongside the ocean on the old island highway with tears of pure and utter happiness in my eyes. I started reflecting back on the times I had sat in my car feeling nothing but absolute sadness. So much sadness it shook me deep in my bones. But not today. Today I was bursting with gratitude. I had no idea this kind of happiness existed. And although there will always be challenging times ahead, I will remember that this kind of happiness exists and that I am incredibly lucky to have experienced it. 

Before signing off, I wanted to thank you all for reading my sporadic posts. I gain great comfort in writing and always feel the love and support from those who read my blog. Thank you for all your well wishes, your support and encouragement throughout all my ups and downs. If I haven't written you back, don't take offence! It's probably because I never realized I had received your message. Actually I recently came across all these wonderful messages from people that wrote me so long ago after discovering an area in my facebook messenger app that I didn't even know existed! Good grief, I hope that doesn't mean I'm getting old! Clearly I've got some work to do. Regardless, thank you for all the love and support. Happy New Year everyone. May your 2017 be filled with as much happiness, gratitude and excitement as James and I feel today. And of course, may this New Year bring so much love, love, love, to everyone, everywhere.