I want to start this post by saying to all woman and men out there who may be going through the painful experience of infertility, I hear you and you are not alone.
You know how people have dreams and visions about how they see their life going? My dream was to marry the love of my life, move to the island, have kids, be healthy enough to work, travel around a bit and most of all, be happy.
One month and 2 days after I married the love of my life, I nearly lost him in a tragic car accident. He was left with pretty major injuries, some he still deals with today. He also lost one of his dearest friends that night which was an unbearable loss for his family and friends. A lot of lives changed that night. Thankfully, my husband survived and words cannot express how grateful I am for that.
After the accident, there were times I wasn’t sure what our future was going to look like or if we were ever going to get through it at all. There were times I felt so low, I sat literally screaming in my car with tears rolling down my face outside GF Strong Rehab Centre trying to figure it all out. I didn’t understand why this had happened. It’s strange how you try to make sense out of things that are just senseless.
If you’ve ever gone through something tragic, you’ll know there’s a lot of uncertainty that seems to surround you during those times. There are so many unknowns and so much waiting. For the passed 8 years James and I have waited. Waited to see if my health would improve, waited to see how James’ injuries would improve, waited to see if we could start a family. But those experiences taught me lessons that I hold very dear. And although, if I had the choice to go back to September 24th, 2008 and tell James and his friends not to get in the car that night, I absolutely would. But I wouldn’t change the lessons I’ve gained through going through such a heartbreaking experience. These lessons have proven to be incredibly valuable to this day.
Today, James and I are happier than we’ve been in a long, long time. There are a few reasons behind this, one is that we’re now living on the island and loving every minute of it. And two, we’re expecting a baby. Honestly, there was a time when I thought I would never have the pleasure of being able to say that. It’s been a very long road with tons of bumps, potholes, u-turns, and forks in that road but we’re happy to say a baby is on the way. Lucky for us, there is a very special person that I’ve known almost all my life, who’s graciously accepted the job of being our surrogate because of my unpredictable health. There are no words that can truly express the gratitude James and I have for our surrogate, her husband and her family. James and I will always have a very special place in our hearts that belongs to our surrogate.
For those of you who want to know more about what that means, our surrogate is simply carrying our baby for us. She’s actually a gestational carrier if you want to get technical. To keep things simple, it’s our bun, in her oven and we couldn’t be more excited. James and I, despite everything that’s happened in the past, feel like the luckiest people on the planet.
Today, I was driving alongside the ocean on the old island highway with tears of pure and utter happiness in my eyes. I started reflecting back on the times I had sat in my car feeling nothing but absolute sadness. So much sadness it shook me deep in my bones. But not today. Today I was bursting with gratitude. I had no idea this kind of happiness existed. And although there will always be challenging times ahead, I will remember that this kind of happiness exists and that I am incredibly lucky to have experienced it.
Before signing off, I wanted to thank you all for reading my sporadic posts. I gain great comfort in writing and always feel the love and support from those who read my blog. Thank you for all your well wishes, your support and encouragement throughout all my ups and downs. If I haven't written you back, don't take offence! It's probably because I never realized I had received your message. Actually I recently came across all these wonderful messages from people that wrote me so long ago after discovering an area in my facebook messenger app that I didn't even know existed! Good grief, I hope that doesn't mean I'm getting old! Clearly I've got some work to do. Regardless, thank you for all the love and support. Happy New Year everyone. May your 2017 be filled with as much happiness, gratitude and excitement as James and I feel today. And of course, may this New Year bring so much love, love, love, to everyone, everywhere.